You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
