woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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