When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
