remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
