well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
