That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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