i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
