she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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