When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize