At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
