awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
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