you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
