he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
