She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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