my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
