Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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