this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You're a waste of cheezeits
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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