woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
