GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
