If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize