So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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