i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Last time i carry you out of a forest
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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