I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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