how can u be prego again
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
