you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
