I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I am available for nakedness
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
