You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We need to get me chipped asap
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
