Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize