So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
