Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize