All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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