remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
