They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
