Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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