The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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