masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
