im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
a search helicopter?!
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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