I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
