the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
