Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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