3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
