i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
