FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
