is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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