I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
