its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's blow job season.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
