So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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