Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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