I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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