She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
