What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
