I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We talked him into tasing himself.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
