Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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