The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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