What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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