So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
