the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
