just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
