even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I had to cum in my sink.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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