1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
