he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
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