here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I am available for nakedness
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
