If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
