she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
