Where did you get a picture of my penis
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
