You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize