my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
