Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
