Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We have started to decorate penises.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
