What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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