Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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