3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Randomize