was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
